WHAT IS AN ENERGY VAMPIRE?
WHAT IS AN ENERGY VAMPIRE?
An energy vampire is a person who is draining to be around; needy, demanding and often critical of you. The other word for it is neediness.
Energy vampires are so needy because they never learned to be connected to themselves, and they’re looking to others to fix them, make them OK, keep them happy. Of course, that doesn’t work, because being disconnected from self is an unhappy place to be, so their needs are endless.
You can tell someone is an energy vampire because they want you to be available on their terms; even though they aren’t available when you need them. They are emotionally draining; wanting you to take responsibility for their needs and their lives. They frequently try to use guilt to get you to do what they want. They usually have a sad story that is not the normal temporary sadness people have from a loss or an injury, but a sadness that never goes away.
Neediness is connected to some mental states. People who are chronically depressed are often emotional vampires. People who are anxious or emotionally unstable can also drain your energy. People who have been diagnosed as “borderline” are usually needy and draining to be around.
Needy people rely on your natural desire to help people in pain; wanting to help can lead to being tied to them. To get free, you have to learn to tell the difference between people who will accept your help and use it to heal, and people who just absorb it and don’t benefit from it.
To get untangled from an emotional vampire, learn to say no and to back off. When someone who is not going through a temporary crisis feels draining and difficult to be with, limit your time and energy around them. Don’t fall for guilt trips. Don’t give in to demands and don’t keep trying when someone repeatedly lets you down.
Most of all, make friendships with people who are as giving and sharing as you are; yes, you can help each other through trying times, but a true friendship goes both ways. You give each other support and comfort; and you also have fun and enjoy each other.
©2024 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: It Ends with You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction
Author Bio:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 25 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction" (New Page 2003)""How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" (New Page 2002) "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again" (Wiley 2002) and "The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs" (New Page 2001) She publishes the “Happiness Tips from Tina” e-mail newsletter and has hosted "The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious" a weekly hour long radio show. She is an online expert, answering relationship questions atwww.CouplesCompany.comand Yahoo!Personals, as well as a Redbook Institute expert and “Psychology Smarts” columnist for First for Women. Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC news.
