TRIGGERS AND GLIMMERS
TRIGGERS AND GLIMMERS
In this time of high anxiety and tension, exacerbated by “journalism” that seeks to upset us to get our attention, I want to talk about the Polyvagal Theory idea of glimmers and triggers, which was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, PhD, a professor of psychiatry. He proposes that our nervous system is constantly scanning for signs of safety and danger, and it’s one reason mammals are able to work together for survival. In 2022 he wrote: “humans, as social mammals, are on an enduring lifelong quest to feel safe.” In short, our bodies and brains function best when we feel safe.
In the course of my work with clients, I have found safety, emotional and physical, to be a prime requirement for recovery. One of the things I focus on is helping my clients to be safe with themselves, not attacking or demeaning themselves, and not putting themselves at risk.
Porges maintains we can identify “environmental and visceral features that are safe, dangerous, or life-threatening” which he calls “prompts”. We put these environmental prompts into two categories: triggers and glimmers.
You may already be familiar with triggers. That concept is used a lot in therapy. Triggers are objects or events that elicit a fear response in us. When we’re “triggered” we tend to react with fight or flight; either fighting back or running away. This is what can happen when a partner, even one who is non-threatening, does or says something that we saw or heard during a traumatic event. For example, if you have been hit before, and your partner raises a hand to brush a hair out of your face, you flinch as though you are about to be hit. (Dog trainers will try raising a hand to a dog to see if it has been abused. If it has, it will flinch without being touched). Or if a partner says something that was said during a traumatic event, such as a previous fight, you’ll overreact and fight back when it isn’t necessary. I spend a lot of time in counseling helping people and couples disarm their triggers and stop fighting.
Glimmers are a less well known prompts: They are objects or events that produce feelings of safety and well-being. When your partner gently touches you, or smiles warmly at you, you will relax. I often have couples hold hands while having discussions about topics that need solutions. It’s incredibly helpful to understand what your own glimmers are, and what are glimmers for your partner and others you’re close to. If you know the word, phrase, or gesture that calms someone, you can keep discussions from getting out of hand.
Glimmers can also be objects. Before I even knew the theory, I knew that being surrounded by beautiful things, pets, plants and flowers made me feel calm and safe. We need to have safe places both inside us and outside. Learn what your glimmers are, and the next time you or someone else is triggered, you will know what to do. I wish you peace, within yourself, within your family, within the world.
©2024 Tina B. Tessina adapted from:It Ends with You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction
Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com) is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 18 books in 17 languages, includingDr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free; 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health, and her newest;Stop Overthinking: A Workbook. She writes the “Dr. Romanceblog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts.
Author Bio:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 25 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction" (New Page 2003)""How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" (New Page 2002) "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again" (Wiley 2002) and "The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs" (New Page 2001) She publishes the “Happiness Tips from Tina” e-mail newsletter and has hosted "The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious" a weekly hour long radio show. She is an online expert, answering relationship questions atwww.CouplesCompany.comand Yahoo!Personals, as well as a Redbook Institute expert and “Psychology Smarts” columnist for First for Women. Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC news.
