HOW TO GROW OLD HAPPILY TOGETHER

HOW TO GROW OLD HAPPILY TOGETHER

All the focus seems to be on how to stay young these days; but we grow older anyway; and if we’re lucky, we will grow old together. There’s a lot of research to show that people who are in happy relationships live longer and healthier lives. If you want your relationship to be happy and healthy as you grow older, follow these guidelines:

1.Learn to talk with each other about everything.
Things will change, your sex life, your appearance, your energy, your interests. If you can talk about the changes as they occur, and work together to accommodate them, you’ll be happy for a long time.

2. Save money.
Growing old together takes money. Save for your old age. When you are no longer working, you’ll want to travel, to visit family, to enjoy what you have created for yourselves. Planning ahead financially will help you do that.

3.Develop and nurture a shared sense of humor.
Laughter will brighten your days, make you fall in love over and over with each other, and get you through hard times with your connection intact.

4.Learn to grieve effectively.
The longer you live; the more loss you face. You will grieve lost friends and family, lost pets, lost jobs or opportunities, disappointments and other losses; some much greater than others. Learn to grieve together and to support each other in grief. Healthy grieving is an essential life skill.

5.Get in the habit of consulting each other.
My husband and I are self-employed, with changing schedules, so we check in each day to share what’s happening in our calendars. Even if you’re retired or your schedules are predictable, don’t forget to check in with each other on a regular basis. Don’t spend any substantial money, or make big time consuming commitments without checking with each other.

6.Draw each other out emotionally.
If your partner looks stressed, learn how to ask what’s the matter without being intrusive. When you can share your feelings; whether they’re sad, mad, glad, scared, or stressed, you’ll be better support for each other, and helping ease the stress makes you live longer. A simple question like “How are you doing?” shows your partner you care.

7.Have fun together.
Knowing you two are excellent and fun company whether you’re doing dishes or traveling the globe means you’ll be each other’s favorite companions through life.

8.Take care of yourselves and each other.
Live a reasonably healthy lifestyle without stressing about it. Keep stress as low as you can, support each other in staying active. Strive not to add to your own stress or your partner’s by talking things through, rather than complaining, grumbling or whining. If you’re going to be together for a long time, you want to be healthy.

9.Renew your vows.
You don’t need to be formal about it, but remind each other you’d marry again if necessary. Renew your commitment frequently. My husband and I wrote our marriage vows in 1982, and we repeat them together frequently. It’s a good reminder of why you’re together, where you came from, and how much you’ve shared.

10. Care about yourselves and each other.
Loving your partner successfully requires caring about yourself, too. Don’t let your love get too one-sided. There’s plenty of love to go around, and it grows the more you use it.

©2024 Tina B. Tessina. Adapted from: How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free 4th Edition.

Author Bio:

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 25 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction" (New Page 2003)""How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" (New Page 2002) "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again" (Wiley 2002) and "The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs" (New Page 2001) She publishes the “Happiness Tips from Tina” e-mail newsletter and has hosted "The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious" a weekly hour long radio show. She is an online expert, answering relationship questions at www.CouplesCompany.comand Yahoo!Personals, as well as a Redbook Institute expert and “Psychology Smarts” columnist for First for Women. Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC news.