GUIDELINES FOR BEING BETTER UNDERSTOOD

GUIDELINES FOR BEING BETTER UNDERSTOOD

1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner’s frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it.

2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion’s response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing....

3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather than who’s right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough to understand, then switch to what will fix it.

4. Separate emotion from solution. If one or both of you are upset, irrational or reactive, you aren’t communicating. Take a break and try again in a few minutes, when both of you have calmed down.

5. Don’t beat dead horses. If you’ve been over the same ground several times with no forward movement, get some help. An objective third party can work wonders.

6. Be nice. Strive to create a cooperative atmosphere, and consider your partner’s feelings.

Author Bio:

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 25 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction" (New Page 2003)""How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" (New Page 2002) "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again" (Wiley 2002) and "The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs" (New Page 2001) She publishes the “Happiness Tips from Tina” e-mail newsletter and has hosted "The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious" a weekly hour long radio show. She is an online expert, answering relationship questions at www.CouplesCompany.comand Yahoo!Personals, as well as a Redbook Institute expert and “Psychology Smarts” columnist for First for Women. Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC news.